Tips on how to break-up with your boyfriend
Ex-Factor
Get in touch with your past boyfriends and get them to come to as many social events that you can think of. With you.
When you run into an old flame at a bar or club, run up to them, fling your arms around his neck, hold his hips against yours and shriek “Oh my God, oh my God, it’s so good to see you! My, don’t you look good.”
Alternatively, join a mixed gender sports team and get your flock of exes and your current soon-to-be-put-out-flame to be on your team. For kicks and giggles, start off the practice with “What’s one thing we all have in common?”
Email error
Sending a text or an email to someone by mistake happens to people a lot, so here is a little gem that will take the ‘dumping’ issue out of your hands.
Pretend that you have been on a date with a guy. Send a ‘thank you for a really great evening last night email’ accidentally to your boyfriend.
He will think you’re cheating, thus starting a colossal row and it will result in him doing your dirty work for you. Voila, it’s as easy as hitting ‘send.’
Shed a few tears
Not many men know what to do when a girl cries and some just get in a complete fluster about it.
Use this to your advantage and cry after sex. In fact, better yet, cry during sex. Blame it on your emotions and the fact that your feelings towards him are totally overwhelming and that you “wuv him very much.” You could then even ask him whether he has any "personal feelings concerning the relationship.”
The baby talk and the crying will have him re-addressing your relationship status in no time.
Me, myself and I
Make sure that everything is about you. Therefore take as long as you like doing your make-up and getting ready, even if he is sitting in the car waiting to take you out for dinner with his boss.
Or, if you really don’t give two hoots, you could be the first woman in history to tell her partner how many men she has actually been intimate with.
You could even go as far as informing him that oral sex makes you gag. With the exception of when he does it, of course. Or fall asleep during sex. Woman find this to be a subtle, yet direct way of suggesting dissatisfaction.
His opinion counts… for not a lot
The trick here is to ask for his opinion but to never actually agree on his advice. For example, you can’t decide what to do for dinner. He suggests takeaway, so you decided eating out; he prefers the red shoes, you go for the black. He says right, you turn left.
The idea here is that he will very quickly see that his opinion doesn’t mean that much to you. You could turn the tension up a notch by getting a drastic hair change and then explain “that you have been thinking about it for a while and the delivery guy at work thought you would look hot with short hair.”
In other words, you would rather take the opinion of a complete stranger than ask his advice.
Are you seeing fireworks yet? We think so!
Adolescent vocab
Shower your daily conversations with as many modern but pre-teen acronyms as you can possibly bear to stand. You actually may LOL (laugh out loud) when you actually find out how much fun this can be in the sense that it is exceptionally irritating for everyone else, and thus your boyfriend.
“OMG babe! You, like, totally need to take a shower.”
*Poof* As if by magic, he’s gone.
Release your inner child
Having the mother of all tantrums every so often is a sure fire way to make your man run for cover, and hopefully out of the door!
Childish, brattish and insolent behavior isn’t liked by anyone and the only people who can get away with it are children, and even then, they are walking a fine line in our books.
Your man will probably look into the future and see these foot stamping sessions as a sign of things to come and bail on you quicker than you can scream or whine “But it’s not fair. Why can’t I have one of those?”, while you still continue to hold the view that ‘men are babies.’
Social butterfly
There is nothing wrong with a bit of networking and social climbing, so spread your wings and become a social butterfly. Why not become the face of Facebook? Which guy wouldn’t want to go out with the most popular girl on one of the Internet’s most popular social websites? Well, hopefully your boyfriend(s) when he finds out.
Send and receive, poke and pester as many people as possible and within no time at all, you will have more friends than Malaysia has people.
Next step, update your status and profile as frequently as you get stuck in a Malaysia jam with things like ‘night out with the girls,’ ‘at the gym,’ or ‘hoping my man never awakes from his afternoon nap.’
He will soon get the message.
Nag
Nag. Nag. Nag.
And nag some more. You will eventually wear him down.
Some helpful parting lines.
“My feelings for you are too strong.” This is an ingenious way of saying goodbye to your man with a whopping ego.
“Let’s get hitched.” Men and domestication don’t often go hand-in-hand so fingers crossed, he will bow out benevolently.
“I need space.” This hints that it is temporary. Of course, you know differently.
B.S excuses and their translations
Why not take some tips from others and use the following lines to ditch your man.
“It’s not you, it’s me” in your mind means: I’m fine, but you’re a royal pain in the backside.
“We are different stages of our lives” in your mind means: You’re beneath me.
“I want to concentrate on my work right now” in your mind means: I want to concentrate on the hot office guy right now.
“My feelings scare me” in your mind means: My feelings are actually nonexistent.
Some of it is quite funny and all of it is really stupid! How about just saying, "I want to break-up with you?". It's the simplest, cleanest, most honest way to do it. I don't even have a boyfriend yet and I'm looking at ways to break up with one :s
No comments:
Post a Comment